What is a Bartender?

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I HAVE TRIED to answer this question in a concise way for years, but it’s an impossible task.  The answer is a lot more complicated than you’d imagine.  Especially for me since it’s not just my profession, but also my passion and my lifestyle.

Every single day, I aspire to be better at everything than I was the day before.  That includes being a bartender.  To do that, I study the history of bartending.  I know that Jerry Thomas was the first famous bartender.  He blazed a trail for all bartenders by popularizing cocktails across the Unites States in the mid-19th century.  In 1862, he published the first bartender’s guide, called How to Mix Drinks. I have a reprint of that book in my collection.  I also have a copy of Tom Bullock’s book, The Ideal Bartender.  It was written in 1917 and is the first bartending guide written by an African-American bartender.  My goal is to be second.

This type of knowledge about my profession is no different than when I was a software engineer.  I could tell you that Bjarne Stroustrup was the creator of the C++ programming language and that he created it so his friends could have a platform for creating elegant computer programs in an object-oriented environment, and that Dennis M. Ritchie and Brian W. Kernighan invented the C programming language while working for Bell Labs.  I suspect that accountants know that the ancient Etruscans and Persians are thought to have invented counting.

I didn’t become a bartender by following a well-marked path.  As I mentioned, I was once a software engineer.  I’m trained to solve problems using computer programming languages.  My college curriculum included chemistry, physics, calculus and all other manner of torture.  It helped me understand the importance of experimentation and precise measurement.  I always thought that bartending would be fun, but I followed my childhood dream of being a scientist.  By following my dream, I unknowingly prepared myself for what lay ahead.

From the moment I begin a shift until the moment it ends, the passion I have for my job shows.  Every drink I make has to look and taste good.  Every recommendation I make has to be perfect.  When someone asks me what ideas I’m working on, I get excited because I get a chance to show off what I’ve spent countless hours trying to perfect.

Being a bartender doesn’t mean just knowing how to make drinks.  It means knowing EVERYTHING about adult beverages: beer, wine, and spirits.  You have to know the difference between ales and lagers.  You have to know that all Cognac is brandy, but not all brandy is Cognac.  You have to know that Champagne is sparkling wine, but not all sparkling wine is Champagne.  You need to know the proper technique for muddling mint and sugar to make Mojitos and Mint Juleps. You need to know what a jigger is used for and how to use a vegetable peeler to make garnishes for cocktails.  You must also be willing to work long hours performing physically exhausting tasks while entertaining guests at your bar.  Most important, you need to know when to impart your knowledge and wisdom to others and when to shut the hell up and listen.  I doubt that five training shifts at your local chain restaurant will teach you any of these things.  It took me years of listening, reading and observing to get to where I am today and as far as I’m concerned, I still have a long way to go.

A friend noted that bartenders are also psychiatrists who listen to people’s problems and dispense drugs accordingly.  She also states that we’re confessors, entertainers, raconteurs, psychologists, wingmen, and all manner of other things rolled into one larger than life being.  I tend to agree, but I also see that as part of the bartender cliché so I usually don’t mention it.  I like the mystery that surrounds us.  I like knowing the details of the secret elixirs that we use such as bitters, Chartreuse, Absinthe, Luxardo and Fernet Branca.  I enjoy making concoctions that require a pastry chef’s torch to char citrus peels.  I enjoy creating drinks on the fly for the novice drinker who wants to ease into the shallow end of the cocktail pool.

As I said, every single day I want to be better.  That means that no matter where I am and no matter what I’m doing, I am conscious of what’s going on around me.  When I’m in the grocery store, I ALWAYS go to the produce section to see what’s in season as fresh ingredients are always best when making cocktails.  Today, I found blood oranges.  Tonight, I’ll make something cool with them at work.  When I go to other bars and restaurants, I talk to the bartenders.  I like exchanging ideas and talking shop.  It’s the best way to get to know those who do what you do.  It’s also a way to bounce ideas off of like-minded people.  When I’m in a museum, I look at art not just because I like art, but the colors, designs, shapes and perspectives of artists give me ideas about how I want my cocktails to look. I learned a long time ago that food and drink should not just taste good, but look good as well.  Picasso and Rodin may not seem likely to inspire a cocktail, but they have.  So have the ancient Egyptians, Romans, Chinese and Mayans.  Nothing is out of the realm of possibility when you open your mind.

The first bartenders I ever knew personally were two fine upstanding citizens named Kenny Williams and Herb George.  What I remember most about them when we met was that they worked hard, but they always seemed to be having fun while they worked.  I admired that about them and always hoped that one day I’d find a job that I enjoyed as much as they did all those years ago.  Who would have thought that all these years later the job that they enjoyed so much would be the profession that seemingly chose me?  And who would have thought that answering a simple question would be so interesting?  Certainly not me.